well, not MY dad, but this guy's dad. follow him on twitter: shitmydadsays
"How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes."
"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."
"If mom calls, tell her I'm shitting... Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit."
"You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house."