nobody understands.

nobody understands the hell i have been through the past year or so & i am so sick of it. i am sick of 95% of the people in my life, i'm sick of people being inconsiderate and not doing shit for me.
i'm sick of a certain person telling me i'm a crybaby. I JUST LOST MY FUCKING MOTHER, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? things set me off so easily nowadays & i wish i wasn't like this but i cannot help it. i lost my mom, i had to leave our house, i had to leave school. everything changed that day. EVERYTHING. i was spoiled, but not to the point where i couldn't do anything for myself. my mom just didn't want me to have to worry aout "Grown up" stuff until i graduated from college. LOTS of kids live like that, yet some people act like i'm a stupid fucking baby. i'm not. i got myself back into school, got my financial aid together, i came home from school on a thursday and started working thursday. NO ONE fucking helped me move my shit from shcool. NO ONE. did it all by myself. did i mention i have a knee injury and did this on an campus? yeah. it was fun.

i'm sick of everything.

i'm sick of crying, sick of getting yelled at, sick of people in my shit, sick of people NOT UNDERSTANDING, sick of people whining about how bad their parents suck. what the fuck ever. my mom is DEAD and my dad is a deadbeat. i am the only person i know in this situation. all my friends are living the life i used to have, and i would never wish it upon anyone, but i am so incredibly jealous. it's so unfair! i tried and still do try to live such a good life and look wtf happened. i can't catch a break. i just don't know what to do anymore. i miss my mommy so much. she was everything to me. my best friend, someone i could tell ANYTHING to & the only person who would do absolutely anything for me. not just for things i need, but for things i wanted. now all of a sudden i'm just here by myself. i feel so alone. i feel like half of me is missing. i can't even look at pictures of her, without bursting into tears. it's so unfair. i know we aren't supposed to question God & his motives, but i can't help it. i've tried so hard to be a good Christian & look what it got me.

i just don't know anymore...

sorry for the poor structure. i'm kind of upset.

*takes a deep breath*