holidays, schmolidays.

it's official.

i've become one of those people who DESPISES the holidays. and i can't believe that i', one of those people and that i'm admitting it, but it's time to stop being in denial. i hate feeling this way. I still believe Jesus is the reason for the season, but NOTHING is the same since my mom passed away. she was the most important person in my life, my best friend, my confidante; just my everything. i till can't believe she's
gone. Christmas used to be the best time ever. I was the only child so I go damn near whatever I wanted, which was lovely, but not the best part! I loved decorating the tree with her, putting up the lights, shopping for HER and making her feel special. but now... i don't look forward to it. I was a legal adult when she died, but I was NOT ready for it. I was away at school enjoying being a carefree student and then, BAM, she's gone and all that's over. I MISS HER. i miss my old life. I miss talking to her. i miss her hugs and I just miss having a mother. I get to watch all my cousins and friends have TWO parents and I have none. It pisses me off, but I'm happy for them becuase I wouldn't want this for anyone else. not even my absolutele worst enemy. I wanna cry just thinking about it.

*sigh*

I just want my old life back! I feel like I have to worry about more shit than an average 21 year old and it's not even my fucking fault!

ugh.