i feel so freaking gross. i've been feeling blah for a while now, and i couldn't really figure out why. then i realized when it all started. well, when it REALLY started. i kind of started getting a little bummy when i left for school. nothing too bad though, i did my hair and makeup everyday and rpetty much just worse a decent shirt and jeans to class. but then march of last year, i fell and fucked up my knee. i spent about 5 or 6 months on crutches. THAT's when i stopped giving a fuck. i was injured the whole summer. did absolutely nothing. didnt do anything with my hair. just swiped on some homemade tinted moisturizer (i'll share with you guys how i do that later) and that was it. it was terrible. then the knee was getting better, i went back to school, i was away for 2.5 weeks, then my mom died. now this is when i REALLY stopped caring. i'm not even gonna go into detail all the stuff i had to do in the months after cuz it's a long, ridic story. but, um, yeah. i pretty much stopped eating and lost 35 lbs. and i'm happy as hell about that, lol. but uh, my appetite is just weird now. among other things, but anyway, i've decided it's time to get myself back together. for one. i'm getting a gym membership. i feel so out of shape. hell, i don't FEEL out of shape, i AM out of shape. ew. those 35 lbs? still mostly gone, but i keep gaining and losing these 5-10 lbs. kind of annoying. but i wanna lose more. i don't really have a goal, i just wanna be healthy. second of all, i just need to put more effort into my daily appearance. i've been kind of inspired by my new jobs. the girls there are freaking BEAUTIFUL. i'd do some of them, haha. j/k. but it's like a hottie factory up there. i wish i could grow an ass though. it's pretty tragic how flat it is. and i wanna be more outgoing! it's not that i'm shy, i'd say i'm more reserved. i guess maybe those 2 words are kind of interchangeable, but to me, reserved means more that you're quiet when you don't know the person very well and you start to open up later. i kind of got in that habit during my middle school years and some of HS because people judged me because of how i spoke, the music i listened to, the fact that i had a diverse group of friends, etc. i've learned not to give a damn. i'm proper as hell and always will be. and i'm proud of it. my mama paid too much money to send my butt through private school to have me walkin' around sounding/acting like i didn't go there. psh. but i really wanna meet more people. i haven't had a boyfriend in 4 years. (?!?!?!) crazy, right? i mean, a few guys have told me that i'm such a good catch, but all they do is try (and FAIL) to get some. boy, bye. idk, i guess i'm just kind of rambling, but i just feel like when you're in your 20's, you're supposed to be at the height of your physical potential. and i feel like i'm wasting it. so, i gotta get it together, babes!
wish me luck =]
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LOL and *HUGS* on this entry!
ReplyDeleteI know how it is to just feel out of it, and wanting to get to that point of self content...i guess that's a good way of putting it. I can so co-sign with a few things in this entry...especially the "proper" portion. I don't think its even being proper. I think its just you being raised and/or brought up a certain way. Its not right nor is it wrong. Its just the way you are. I'm half black, so I was constantly told that I was white for liking Britney..and the ever-so-famous "BOUGIE" for not enjoying certain things that other black americans like.
I'd say just keep your head up and on the right track. You'll reach your goal with lots of hard work. We all have that potential. And don't worry about a man. He'll come one day when you least expect it. Boys...BYE! Exactly that! You'll get there. You know what you have to do.
;)
awww, thanks so much for the sweet comment! i'll follow your blog! =]
ReplyDelete<3