Paige, Paige, Mo Maige, Banana Fana, Fo Faige

Fee Fi, Mo Maige, Paiiiige.

haha, sorry i'm so obnoxious. I used to sing that song all the time with my mommy <3

and I was just sitting here thinking about how much i used to HATE MY NAME! ahhh, I seriously hated it 'til I was probably like 16. When I was 10 or 11 I actually started telling people my name was Ashley cuz I wanted a more "normal" name, lol. I was such a weirdo. But now that I think about it, I LOVE my name! It's different & it stands out. & I only know a few Paiges, but we are all awesome, if i say so myself.

My mom had always told me my name was picked out before my parents even got married. She heard it in the movie, "Jagged Edge" & fell in love. She also told me what it meant, and she told me it meant "servant" and I got a little alarmed cuz who the hell aspires to be a servant, and my mom looked at me and said "Paige, out of all the greatest people in the world, aren't they all serving someone?" and I didn't think of that until she said it, but it's so true! When I first heard servant, I thought of like a maid or something, but think about it: all the greatest people are helping others! Doctors, lawyers, presidents and my mom was one too! She devoted her entire life & career to helping the people of Detroit, especially the low income, be the best they can be!

Anyway, did any of you guys hate your name growing up? Or did you always love it?

Let me know! I love comments =]

boy oh boy, do i miss my mommy! so glad THIS happened!

so, about 3 months ago (July 10th), it was my mom's first b-day in heaven. I was actually holding up better than thought. of course i missed her, but i was fine. i had a lot of thoughts going through my head so i just went for a walk to clear my head. then i chilled out for a little bit. then i got ready for work. got there, did the usual. called people. answered the phones and took a couple payments from customers. so, this one guy comes in, and he always pays in exact change. i forget his exact total, but i remember the change was like, 24 cents. so, he gave me the cash and 24 cents in change, and i usually never really look, but something possessed me to look at the change, and i looked down, and my grandpa & i (mostly him, haha), collect coins, and a noticed one was what's called a "wheathead" penny. and they're old, they stopped making them in 1958 i think. so i just looked at it, and i flipped it over, curious to see what year it was from cuz i knew it was old, and it was from 1954! the year my mom was born! she knew i needed a sign or something from her. i had been feeling really down, and missing her so much. i haven't dreamed about her in forever and i guess she knew i needed that. i'm so glad she sent it to me. so i replaced it with one of my own pennies and gave it to my boss to take it to the bank & i kept the penny for myself.

it's just too coincidental to be an actual coincedence, or "co-een-kee-deenk" as my mom used to say, haha. [why do moms always have little sayings like that?]

just wanted to share. to anyone who's ever lost a loved one, friend, whatever, even if you're feeling lonely, just know they're always, ALWAYS looking over you, even if it doesn't feel like it. my mom was the closest person to me in the world and it still feels like a really, really bad dream. even as recently as the other day, i picked up the phone to call her and realized i couldn't! i just wish it would feel more real already, but what are ya' gonna do?

the end =]




p.s., idk if you can really see the pic, but it's the actual penny. i'm keeping it in my jewelry box. i think i might have it made into a charm for my charm bracelet. i'm gonna cherish that measly little 1 cent for the rest of my life. <3

she's with me always!

so, about a month ago (July 10th), it was my mom's first b-day in heaven. I was actually holding up better than thought. of course i missed her, but i was fine. i had a lot of thoughts going through my head so i just went for a walk to clear my head. then i chilled out for a little bit and on my way to the shower to get reay for work, *SOMEONE* took it upon themselves to yell at me. they shall remain nameless, but it was a relative, it was NOT one of my grandparents. it was just ridiculous. this person told me i had no initiative or motivation and i wasn't doing enough. i was in school 23 freaking hours a week and working 20 hours a week. leaving home at 7:30 am and getting home at 10:30 pm, and getting up at 6 the next day. yeah, i'm not doing enough. and dare i say it: i truly think grief is a full time job.it really is. it takes SO MUCH out of you. going to work is one thing, but going to school & trying to do well while dealing with that is just, ugh. i was totally fine til then, but after this person's little tyrade, i cried and cried for a good hour. normally it wouldn't bug me so much, but everything just got to me at that moment. but i got myself together for work. got there, did the usual. called people. answered the phones and took a couple payments from customers. so, this one guy comes in, and he always pays in exact change. i forget his exact total, but i remember the change was like, 24 cents. so, he gave me the cash and 24 cents in change, and i usually never really look, but something possessed me to look at the change, and i looked down, and my grandpa & i (mostly him, haha), collect coins, and a noticed one was what's called a "wheathead" penny. and they're old, they stopped making them in 1958 i think. so i just looked at it, and i flipped it over, curious to see what year it was from cuz i knew it was old, and it was from 1954! the year my mom was born! she knew i needed a sign or something from her. i had been feeling really down, and missing her so much. i haven't dreamed about her in forever and i guess she knew i needed that. i'm so glad she sent it to me. so i replaced it with one of my own pennies and gave it to my boss to take it to the bank & i kept the penny for myself.

it's just too coincidental to be an actual coincedence, or "co-een-kee-deenk" as my mom used to say, haha.

just wanted to share. to anyone who's ever lost a loved one, friend, whatever, even if you're feeling lonely, just know they're always, ALWAYS looking over you, even if it doesn't feel like it. my mom was the closest person to me in the world and it still feels like a really, really bad dream. even as recently as the other day, i picked up the phone to call her and realized i couldn't! i just wish it would feel more real already, but what are ya' gonna do?

the end =]


p.s., idk if you can really see the pic, but it's the actual penny. i'm keeping it in my jewelry box. i think i might have it made into a charm for my charm bracelet. i'm gonna cherish that measly little 1 cent for the rest of my life. <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!

it's my mama's first b-day in heaven. she would've been 55 today.

i miss you more than words can say!

i know you're having the best b-day ever mommy. enjoy your rest, you deserve it!

going to ATLANTA!

well, technically, it's to a tiny town right outside of Atlanta for m family reunion & hopefully some sight-seeing. haven't been since 2006 & this is my first time ever with my mommy, it's gonna be so weird! we loved it down there so much & that was always our summer getaway. we get t-shirts every year with everyone's name on it, & i've they've passed away, there's a little star next to their name. this year there'll be one by my mom's name =[ booooo for death. but she's with me always.

i plan on taking some of her ashes down there & scattering them, because she LOVED it down there & she always felt so at home & so at peace there.

i'm so glad to get away, i need a vacation like mad.

anyway, this'll probably be my last post for a few days. i'm leaving Thursday morning & i'm busy all day tomorrow so i don't think i'll have time to blog.

don't miss me too much!

check back around tuesday-ish to read about my trip & see pics.

and i really wanna go to the Aquarium again, i went in 2006 & it was breathtaking.

see ya soon, babes.

Bruno

guys, i am so excited for this movie!

if you guys haven't heard of it, it's the same guy that was in "Borat", his name is Sasha Baren Cohen & he's super hot, btw.

In this movie he plays a gay Austrian. the premise is basically like a prank reality show. it's all real & he pranks real people & companies.

It comes out July 10 (which would've been my mom's 55th b-day & she thought he was SO funny, maybe it's just a coincidence, but she must be telling me I need to go see it. thanks mommy =])

check it out y'all!

Happy Father's Day!

happy father's day to all the dads, grandpas, uncles, brothers, newphews, step-dads, god-fathers, family friends & of course SINGLE MOTHERS.

first day of school!

well, not really my FIRST day, but it's my first day back. my mom passes away in september and i took it really hard. i stayed in school that semester but i was worn the hell out & i decided to take a break from school. so i've been out since december. i got myself back together pretty much and i'm going back today. i never thought i'd actually be excited about school but i really am!

can't wait to further my edu-ma-cation. ha.

wish me luck!

nobody understands.

nobody understands the hell i have been through the past year or so & i am so sick of it. i am sick of 95% of the people in my life, i'm sick of people being inconsiderate and not doing shit for me.
i'm sick of a certain person telling me i'm a crybaby. I JUST LOST MY FUCKING MOTHER, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? things set me off so easily nowadays & i wish i wasn't like this but i cannot help it. i lost my mom, i had to leave our house, i had to leave school. everything changed that day. EVERYTHING. i was spoiled, but not to the point where i couldn't do anything for myself. my mom just didn't want me to have to worry aout "Grown up" stuff until i graduated from college. LOTS of kids live like that, yet some people act like i'm a stupid fucking baby. i'm not. i got myself back into school, got my financial aid together, i came home from school on a thursday and started working thursday. NO ONE fucking helped me move my shit from shcool. NO ONE. did it all by myself. did i mention i have a knee injury and did this on an campus? yeah. it was fun.

i'm sick of everything.

i'm sick of crying, sick of getting yelled at, sick of people in my shit, sick of people NOT UNDERSTANDING, sick of people whining about how bad their parents suck. what the fuck ever. my mom is DEAD and my dad is a deadbeat. i am the only person i know in this situation. all my friends are living the life i used to have, and i would never wish it upon anyone, but i am so incredibly jealous. it's so unfair! i tried and still do try to live such a good life and look wtf happened. i can't catch a break. i just don't know what to do anymore. i miss my mommy so much. she was everything to me. my best friend, someone i could tell ANYTHING to & the only person who would do absolutely anything for me. not just for things i need, but for things i wanted. now all of a sudden i'm just here by myself. i feel so alone. i feel like half of me is missing. i can't even look at pictures of her, without bursting into tears. it's so unfair. i know we aren't supposed to question God & his motives, but i can't help it. i've tried so hard to be a good Christian & look what it got me.

i just don't know anymore...

sorry for the poor structure. i'm kind of upset.

*takes a deep breath*

must haves [for the girls]

so, here's a list of 5 things i think every girl should have to bring out her inner diva.

1. some really good smelling lip gloss

i love these. i got them at victoria's secret. the lighter one is "slice of cake" & it smells like vanilla cake with yummy frosting. and the pink one is "i want candy". sometimes when i'm bored i put it on just to smell it. ha. it makes me happy. and well, who doesn't like well-glossed lips?

2. a bright, semi-crazy nail color.

 

this is some cheap junk i got at the beauty supply store. you get 3 for $1 (no lie). it chips like crazy and you have to apply 3 or 4 coats for it to look decent. lol, but i really liked the color. in case you wanna know, it's "santa fe" by missi. eh, what can you expect for 33 cents? ps, sorry i'm terrible at polishing nails. it's all on my skin & ish. pardon my sloppiness... it'll come off in the shower tomorrow.

3. a secret piercing

this is my tragus piercing. it's awesome. i like it cuz it's visible, but not TOO visible. i work at an insurance company, so obviously i can't walk in there with a tongue ring & septum piercing, right? but, my favorite piercing was my belly button. i loved it. i always felt like i had a little secret that no on really knew about it. i always kept cute, sparkly, dangly jewelry in it. but unfortunately, my body rejected it. but i'm gonna get it redone soon i think. it's gonna be my reward after i lose some more weight.

4. a special piece of jewelry

i got this tiffany bracelet for my 18th birthday. i'm 21 now. i ALWAYS have it on. the only time i've taken it off is to clean it and for when my clumsy ass broke it, ha. when i say "special", that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be expensive, because this wasn't that expensive. it's from tiffany & co., yes, but it's silver, it was less than $200. i just think it's really cute. and it reminds me of my mommy everytime i look at it.

& last but not least...

5. some fierce heels!

what really needs to be said about heels? they make you feel cute, taller, flirty & all around more fierce. not to mention they make it look like you spent hours in the gym on your legs cuz when you wear them, your muscles have to flex. i got these from DSW. they're BCBG Girls and they actually came in my size! it's so hard to find shoes to fit my feet. i wear a size 10 or 10.5 or 11. yeah, yeah. don't make fun. but when i find a pair of cute heels that fit & they don't kill my feet & they don't cost a million dollars, i must get them!

 

"The Best Day"-Taylor Swift

this song gets me everytime. it's so touching. makes me miss my mommy so much. here's the link to the video. she makes a lot of these videos to some of her songs where's it's basically just random home video clips. it's pretty cute.

my favorite lines from the song:
"... & you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world
now i know why all the trees change in the fall
& you were on my side, even when i was wrong
& i love you for giving me your eyes
staying back & watching me shine
& i didn't know if you knew,
so i'm taking this chance to say, that i had the best day with you today" <3


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIx02KnpZEw